Hurry Up and Wait!

One thing about having Endo and wanting children is that time is of the essence.  There is a 20-30% chance that a woman with the disease is infertile, and all the effort in the world won’t result in a pregnancy.  This is usually due to the extent of growth by the time the woman is diagnosed, and where the growth has occurred.  The majority of women with Endo can in fact achieve a pregnancy; a lucky few without any assistance!  But, because surgery is the only definite way to determine the stage of Endo, it’s important to be diagnosed (and treated) early to  preserve your fertility.

Being diagnosed so young has it’s advantages, most notably that I did not have the heartache of learning about my troubles only when I was trying to conceive.  For some women this is a reality, because the more Endometriosis growth you have, the less pain you generally feel.  Medical professionals are still trying to figure out why the disease works this way.

Being diagnosed early also meant that I have had time to process my prognosis, and come up with a “plan B” if having biological children isn’t in God’s plan for us.  Being an adopted person myself, I have always wanted to adopt, but only in addition to having a child (or children) that “look like me”.  It’s difficult to explain, but that becomes very important for a lot of adopted adults, and I am no exception.  

The greatest blessing in “knowing my fate” so young was being prepared (as prepared as possible) for the fight; knowing that no matter how I built my family later in life that it would be a challenge.  I had time to research, learn, and find amazing doctors who know how to deal with this much better than I do.

My next appointment with Dr. Daggs is next week, and I’m really looking forward to asking her where we go from here.  The answer will probably include more surgery, but I actually look forward to what that could mean for us.  I’ve learned over the years that dealing with a medical condition is a “hurry up and wait” kind of game.  ”We’re going to start you on these meds as soon as you can fill the prescription…and then give them 2 or 3 months. You should try to get pregnant yesterday…but we’ll give you a six month window to make that happen…”.  The emotional roller coaster of meeting with the doctor, building up tons of hope, watching it slowly fade as the days and weeks go by without any improvement, and being re-inflated with hope at the next appointment is exhausting.  Still, if all this craziness leads to Thomas and I becoming parents one way or another, it’s worth it.

I have always believed that every baby is a miracle, but I have never really understood just how amazing the blessing of parenthood really is until this journey. 

“While I’m waiting, I will serve You.”